PHOENIX, Arizona (AP) -- How quickly things can change. Just ask the latest recipient of the Father of the Year award, Alec Brown. Just four days ago this unknown father of two received an unexpected call from the editors of Woman’s Day, catapulting him temporarily into the limelight. The editors notified him that he had been selected for the award on the strength of a blog entry posted by his wife earlier in the week. Her glowing reports made Brown sound like the perfect husband—cooking, cleaning, giving back-rubs on demand, and on and on.
Brown’s reply should have been the first clue that all was not as it seemed. “Really? She said that about me?” were the first words out of his mouth.
Brown on the cover of Woman'sDay
Brown was immediately booked for the talk show circuit, but his house of cards came tumbling down before he could realize his dream of meeting the glorious Oprah Winfrey. One day after the article ran in Woman’s Day, People magazine and the Star ran exposés—apparently they didn’t have to dig deep to find dirt.
Brown had been painted as some kind of transgendered, multi-tasking soccer mom that was constantly running his children from one activity to another. But information obtained from acquaintances painted another picture.
“If [Alec] has an internal clock, it’s a sundial and there is a permanent eclipse in his brain.” Said one of his friends.
Yes, Brown takes his daughter to ballet, but you won’t see him drag her into the room on time. No matter what time he gets up, he still manages to be late. And the same pattern holds true for everything. Brown hasn’t been on time to church since April 4th, 1999, recently leading physicists to theorize that if Brown was actually early to an event the universe’s time continuum may be thrown out of balance and existence as we know it would cease altogether.
Brown's downfall began with this article in People Magazine.
Getting his kids to the right place at the right time isn’t the only problem. There is also the matter of appearance. The first week that Brown took his daughter to ballet class her hair was so disheveled that the instructors mistook her for a gypsy girl begging for spare change.
And Brown’s ‘greatness’ seems to have been overreported in other areas as well. Yes, he has been known to clean the house, but only if he has 80’s rock music blasting at ungodly levels while he does it. Not only is this music extremely lame, there is little doubt that the exposure is making his children dumber by the moment.
Brown’s lackluster parenting skills are more than just opinion. Dr. Samantha Davis, from Harvard’s School of Social Sciences, says that her research shows that children are 44% more likely to fall off of a bed or table when under Brown’s care. And video documentation clearly indicates that Brown shed more tears during a Lavell Edwards documentary than at his children’s births. Some say that the only great thing that Brown does is sweat a great deal. Other rumors say that the real reason Brown went back to school was because he was too lazy to hold down a real job.
Following this firestorm of disappointing revelations Woman’s Day has retracted their award. Now the only thing that remains to be seen is whether Mrs. Brown will follow suit.
